It’s March 12, 2022, and I am here sitting at my desk in my Los Angeles duplex. As I type I hear the usual neighborhood rooster crow at noon, the neighbors playing their music here and there, and I hear other birds chirping. This day (March 12th) is special. And it’s been a special day for the past 5 years.
March 12, 2017, was such a life
changing day. It was the day I saw a very small glimpse of this California
story God was unfolding as it was finally my chance of showing up to the
airport with my very own suitcase (which I got from the thrift store the
night before) and the opportunity to pass through TSA to actually go somewhere,
rather than always being the one to stand back and wave others “bye” as they went
on their journeys. This day, in 2017, I felt like something was unlocked. My
mind was open to something I had never experienced before. It was my first time
flying on a plane and first-time seeing mountains, which was something I
literally would dream about. Although I knew with everything in me that
California was God’s promise to me, the first-time stepping foot on the West Coast,
I would have never imagined it would all unfold the way it did. That weekend of
visiting California for the purpose of visiting Pepperdine University, my dream
school at the time, I knew God would have me return to California. I knew it
without a doubt. Of course, with my little human mind, I thought, “duh, I’m
going to be returning here to go to college,” thinking it would be a sweet
story of how hard work in high school pays off and trusting in God and doing
all the right things will get you exactly what you want. Simple. Hard work+
faithfulness= a guarantee all your dreams come true. I thought it worked that
way with God. But boy was my logic shaken after that weekend.
After one of the most eye opening
three days of my life in California, I returned home to Texas. The following
day of that trip, I woke up with anticipation. Would I be getting the
congratulatory email from Pepperdine, serving as my ticket to live out this
California dream? I thought so… especially with how God was in the details of
the whole trip and provided the whole way through. That evening I received the long-waited
email from Pepperdine, titled “admittance status”. My stomach sank at this
subject title. This was the moment I fought so hard to come to. I paused and whispered
a quick prayer “not my will, but your will be done” to the Lord on my knees. Then,
upon opening it, I read the first two words, “Thank you…”
I stood there in my bedroom frozen
and in distress…
“Thank you?” I thought to myself.
I knew what those words meant and
didn’t need to read anymore of the message. That was the first thank you that
ever stung. I knew that every rejection letter always begins with a “thank you”
and letters of celebratory acceptance begin with “congratulations” followed
with an exclamation mark to emphasize the good news. I needed to read no more
of that letter. My two year journey of pressing toward this Pepperdine journey
had come to an abrupt dead end in my eyes.
The God who opened every defying
door standing in my way over the past two years miraculously provided only to
lead me to the final destination- defeat.
In great disappointment, many
questions swirled rampant in my mind and the only conclusion I could make was,
“God, you’re a liar.” I felt like I had been led on by a lover that had gained
my trust over time only to say that all the words, or in my case… “dreams and
provision,” never really meant anything special. They were just empty,
worthless moments that I had attached too much significance to.
That evening I cried and cried and
cried. It was one of those moments that I couldn’t adequately express my feelings
with words, but only with tears full of emotion. The following morning the
reality of what this meant to me showed as I woke up with swollen eyes. What I
was feeling on the inside had become apparent.
The hurt that I felt was not so much the stab of rejection from a dream
school, but rather it was the disappointment that came from a feeling of
rejection from God. I felt like I had been lied to by the one who claimed to be
“constant and faithful.”
However, through a season of
reflection and disappointment, and eventually accepting my enrollment in Oral
Roberts University (ORU), the school I originally dreaded, I began to rest in
the fact that in life I will not always understand the ways of the Lord, but
the one thing I can understand is that He promises to turn things around for
the good (Romans 8:28).
Now having gone through my four
years at ORU, and currently living out this call God has put on my life for
such a time as this, I reflect and have a heart of thanks for the
disappointment five years ago. During that time, it made no sense to me why God
would create such a major detour in my life, but now I realize the purpose
behind it.
The disappointment and anger I felt
towards God made me get real and raw with Him in a way I never had before. In
my time of having a broken heart, I didn’t have the strength to think like a
perfect Christian right away and accept that God had “better things.” I was
angry and could only come before God with my real self and real questions of
“why, God?” “How could you lie to me and let me down?” “Did you think I was not
good enough?”
And now as I sit here in Los Angeles
with this dream as a reality, I realize being here later than when I originally
expected, God equipped me to be more effective for His kingdom than I would
have been years ago. The detour and the journey leading up to now I’ve learned
what it is to have hope and to be led by the Spirit of God. Had I not been
given a sudden detour, I would have never learned what it is to have Jesus as
my hope and to come before Jesus just as I am, which has been a major game
changer. I believe many people of Los Angeles are in need of hope and the love
of God which I am thankful to have learned through my process and can now share
with others.
What ever you may be facing and
whatever may not make sense, trust that God has a plan. A closed door may not
stay closed forever. In the meantime, talk with God telling him exactly how you
feel because He cares. “You don't understand
now what I am doing, but someday you will.” – John 13:7
All the best,
-Brittany Prada
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